mark eitzel hodgepodge:

lyrics source: personal memory

dedicated to 8888888888, source: personal memory

no one cares if i live or die

capp street is an underwater cave that's filled with crutches and canes

and faces that were washed away away from innocence and pain

they don't care who lost or won

they just wanna get the whole thing over and done

the hospital wouldn't admit you so you go home again

right back to the same old room

right back to the same old thing

but you know you're just another girl

come from some carry-out in hell

you're just another story how they fucked up the life

of a sweet girl

together you and me you know we gotta destroy this world

c'mon darlin we gotta destroy this world

and i remember when your girlfriends put you on display

you'd be the life of the party til they come and drag you away

but in the end we'll watch the pattern as it begins to tear

we'll see the chaos that's underneath all the clothes

that the angels wear

i know it isn't very easy when you're left on your own

i know it isn't very easy

when each road you take

is one more mistake

and there's no one to break your fall

and lead you back home

time for me to go away

i'll get a new name

i'll get a new face

time for me to go away

no, i don't belong in this place

so i'll take you into my 2 weak hands

and i'll throw you so high

watch you fall forever in the western sky

and when you land you'll turn into some kind of prize

into someone's sweet prize

so please be happy baby

and please don't cry

even though the parade has passed us by

well you can still see it shining in the western sky

so why won't you stop crying

you can still see it shining

try and try, leave a trace

and all we ever leave is a sour taste

i'm the scar across your face

i'm the itch that's driving you mad

takes so much to feel like we're alive

a weary traveler at a smooth seventy-five

make pretend the landscape aint so dry

do anything to maintain a lie

make pretend that the lover aint so barren

though in los angeles things like that don't matter

i stand in the way of people who stopped caring

numb hands and feet and ears long past hearing

they sing now you're defeated baby

fall on your face in the divine way

don't worry about anything, no

it's just the world having its little way

some of them are kind and it's phony

some of them are kind and it's okay

generous but where's the charity

to lose or give away

some of them smile and it's phony

some of them smile and it's not

some of them never tell you

just how much love they've got

falling, hey i don't see the bottom

are you gonna be my last harbor?

the laughing stock proves that the world is made of rock

that some grow happily on but that's hard for some

that's hard for some

you and your friends and all the rest of god's sweet children

never weak always strong

that's hard for some

where's the compassion to make your tired heart sing

i'm tired of being a spokesman for every tired thing

i sat up all morning and i waited for you

with my blue and grey shirt on

yeah, that's my lucky one

i sat up all morning so why did you call?

cause now i just sing my songs

for people that are gong

from now on

if you ask the man in the tollbooth well i'm sure he'd tell you

that on the highway there's a million ways if yu wanna disappear

well should you take a left or right

well i'm sure i don't care

all i want out of life is to hide somewhere

will you find me?

you don't want me to touch you

you just want me to shut up

you don't want me to think what i'm thinking

or the devil in my throat to come up

and you get so nervous that everything's a joke

and our talk is useless

it only makes us seem clever

while nothing changes

while nothing changes

nothing changes nothing changes

not ever

she's all dressed up and waiting for a bus in the hot sunshine

she just wants to kill some time but it looks like time is gonna kill her first

so she goes to the cocktail lounge to lounge and says

"i'm gonna have a real good time"

as she sinks into the capitalist chair

i don't think that she really cares

if somewhere there's people living

an empty heart is like an empty house

filled with old ghosts and little else

and secrets that everyone but me knows

that without love nothing grows

there's so little love in my heart for anyone for anyone

i'm like an ant on your map you can't see me going down the drain

you can't see me going down

will you keep me around

i've got nothing to hold onto

the sound the air makes as i fall is like a laugh that was torn from where nothing was before

all these things just seem to say

how did i get so far down

if you don't want me why don't you say

if you don't want me why don't you tell me

i've been cut off for so long from anyone from anyone my face is like a broken map

and i can't go anywhere

will you keep me around

a bar has a longer history than a country

what keeps the moon chained are ridiculous acts of faith

and after a couple of drinks visionary eyes all burn

the drunks seem saint-like in their disillusion

never have to worry about counterfeits at 2 am

cause that's all there is

that's all there is

just some old poets drinking

the last nightmare in

and the comfort of the dark and being forgotten

there was a chamber of horrors and it was packed with onlookers

wax figure day trippers being tortured worse than their crimes deserved

and there i was in a stranglehold spinning out from your nightmare

and my life with you was a black cloud hanging in the air

i don't think about consequences

i only know what my heart senses

and it pulls me like an arrow straight to you, love

it pulls me to what is true love

all his life was a gesture

a check paid and dirty dishes

listen to the sea wind hear how it hisses

as it rolls over all your vain petty wishes

and your sweet passionate kisses

is the pain they cause you your final destination

it's just going to make you hate your own reflection

you try to endure it but you know you gotta give in tell me

why such a cheap thing always hides the real thing my love,

though all you had was stolen tell me

will your heart always be broken

hate seems like the sun in the heavens

and there's nowhere to run

no way to get even

just hide in the shadow

of your own making

and hold your head up

even if you're faking

the goal I guess is to be like glass

transparent to anyone looking through

but our lives aren't like that

and once the glass is broken you do the best that you can do

gary tell me why the leaves on the trees are falling this early as the spring

why the leaves on the trees that are falling on us

are like the words to the song i've waited my whole life to sing

if you swim too much you'll drown

if we sit here and drink enough beer

we'll be two inflatable dolls in a hooker's bad dream

gary, i think we've worn out our welcome

they're waiting for us to leave

gary, they've got a new kind of person

a newer, stronger, cleaner breed

if you drink too much you will drown

and the shame of my life is watching you drown

the song of your eyes was of the loneliest woman

i've ever seen, we talked drunkenly at the bar

i thought there was a sweetness here

the world is missing

you just got fired and now you're out

high and drunk and celebrating

Cleopatra Jones

if they don't see you then they're blind

Cleopatra Jones

liquor and love and everything that's kind

Cleopatra only answers to a highher source from above

a sensitivity to bright light

and an unfounded belief in love

and a soul a little bigger than politemess can endure

lighter than air and harder to hold

and much much bluer

much bluer

why don't you be good for something

and draw down the shade on a sun that sat up all night shivering

on a sun that sat up all night afraid

hold the prize close to your heart

prizes made for those who failed

hold the prize away from you

so maybe you can hold me as well

when time peels off your statued skin

i'll still be fooled by what remains

yeah whatever's left of you will be my dream

it was a long hot summer day

we're in the living room watching the light drain away

too tired to read what your cards foretold inside of a yawn

she said the first time you show me your true heart i'll be gone

the air isn't moving and the women have nothing on their lips

but the kind of breath that keep for the hospital bed

pregnant with the timeless drop and the wind

the air leaches the gold out of everything elusive and stolen

and stolen-- i'll be gone

and anything beautiful that you can contrive

has no desire to survive

and then there are his sad thoughts, from which i will spare you

oh all right, just one:

that's a beautiful dress, sweetheart, beautiful

personal communication, April, 2001

love trouble, oh yes

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